Over the span of 6 weeks, i've gotten to know these strangers better.
It's pretty interesting, artificial non confrontational approach that somehow managed to become real and non-judging.

let me tell you about them, and what' i've learnt from them. Using pseudonyms bcos this is suppose to be private. hahah. this is also just my opinions of them, from what i've gathered. may or may not be true (disclaimer).

There were 7 of us in total. Nancy, Julia, Ethel, Jenny, Mark and Mike. And me.

Nancy, on the surface, was a confident person.. always dressed in black. Right from the start, she was vocal and gave the feeling that she's v sure of who she is...and is i/c. She had a background in art, and was the most 'skilled'. Through the 6 weeks, we learnt that she's a mother of two kids. And she was a art educator for children. She ran an art centre, and in her own words, 'loves time' and 'cant get enough of it'. we also found out that she wasnt always this 'successful'. prior to having her own art centre, she was a 'home-maker' and was 'useless and lifeless' (according to her child). i guess what the child meant was directionless... since she had channelled energy into bringing up her children. Now, the sense i get from her is that she's become empowered, and is constantly looking for ways to upgrade herself and do her job that she loves.. while having her loving family. Can tell she has a loving r/s with her children too (: pretty inspiring... she is someone i would like to learn from, having a loving family, constantly better myself, and do a job she loves - she's a self starter.

Julia was also vocal on the surface, but in a more gentle, small talk way. 
what struck me about her was, how together she is. she knew herself and what she wanted. she knew her comfort zones, her place, and what she wanted to do. she basically gave the feeling that she was a very controlled person, and knew what to expect in her life. she knew her roles, and expect things to turn out a certain way, and is usually right. she's like a self fulfilling prophesy. 
drawing her lines and comfort zones, and sticking to it. while it gives her comfort and peace to be so sure of herself and her place, i feel that she limits herself. carefully and distinctly drawn comfort zones often suggests fear. 

I wish to not grow up to become like Julia. I would want to be sure of myself, and what i want... 'find my place in the world'. Yet i feel some curiosity and surprise and spontaneity is needed in life, which is what the rest had pointed out, i have as a 'youth'. so there's a lesson there too. i dont want life to scare me along the way, such that i feel the need to hide in a secure place and just linger there. Julia has also figured this out about herself, and i think she'll try to inject some of that in her too.

Ethel was the closest to may age, being about 6 years older. she loves nature, trees in particular. A good number of ppl in class loved nature too. From what i gather, she seems pretty sure of herself too, but is more open to things and people. she was the most friendly and chatty with me. 'looking' out for me in a way. we're also in the same line of work so that helps too. she didnt reveal that much about herself, or no distinct pattern yet anw. hahah. It seems like she's also v close to a few of her girl friends, who encourage her to go out and try new things. She also has issues like being a worrier and stressed out easily. From our after class conversations, i know she's exploring furthering her studies in her interests, which im glad of as i can relate to that. Can tell she's quite a homey idealist too, possibly more homey but less idealistic than me tho. i feel like i want to know how her endeavours turn out, and i really hope it all goes well for her.

Jenny is one of those that 'moved' me the most. i say that without all corniness. She looks quiet but she shared a lot about herself, and is very open to sharing. She quit her job sometime this year, to do what she wants. and said she'll 'take up part-time jobs if necessary' in order to do that. What she wants, is to be an artist, and to help people with her art. she said this upfront specifically right at the first lesson. I applaud her for that, it's something that i cant say it out loud yet, bcos either im afraid or im not sure yet if that is what i really want. either way, whatever. 

So yes, jenny said she feels like she's wasted her time... that she spent 10years or 20, in her old job doing admin instead of doing what she wanted to do. she felt trapped, and felt like she was 'too old' to do anything new. but with the encouragement of certain ppl ard her, she decided that 'age was just a number' and so she's making an attempt at being an artist and fulfilling her dream. she has problems, such as her back... not letting her sit for as long as she likes etc, but she's always so positive and takes things in her stride. very inspiring. and reminds me not to be afraid to act, and take things for granted.

Mark, i dont know much about.. and i doubt anyone does either. He's a very busy man, prob came for 4 times only. I know he works at some mediation job. and is a soon-to-be father. Has a wife, is from switzerland, and is traveling frequently. he doesnt have a permanent home, and is prob on EP. lol. i think he feels obligated to do a lot of things, w a baby on the way, and obligated to his job.

Lastly, Mike, who interestingly used to be a chef. He's very good with his hands, and can sculpt a perfect snail while blindfolded in the dark. He said this was from his days as a chef, learning to sculpt decorative food. lol. he loves nature a lot, and with every piece... sought to bring out a message on conservation. somehow it always led back to him telling us that we must not take the earth for granted. We found out that he grew up in a kampong, close to nature. And he has kids and a wife. He was hilarious, in an awkward way... making strange 'huh' comments that most dads would. One thing that struck me about Mike was his 'simple' kind nature. He said his job 'had to do with water', and he 'studied the movements of water'. He would also give rather insightful comments. He was the first one who told me something that surprised me, saying that the doodles i drew which i thought was a tree, looked like the patterns on those old fashioned gates. I then realised that that was the pattern on the gate of my childhood home.. the pattern that i've been tracing for years in my doodles, and traced when i stood at the gate watching people and waiting for my parents to come home.

anw, Mike also constantly talked about my 'youth' and he seemed genuinely amazed by it. he would always comment to me and the rest 'we have AGED'. as if seeing the 'world' through my view very innocent, hopeful and full of possibilities... as opposed to their serene/lethargic view. i guess i must say it could be true. my works were definitely more 'messy' and vibrant in colours... not so 'within the lines'. and i guess the things i chose to draw and see, were kinda childish and maybe idealistic. it's a little embarrassing, but in a way im glad for it. i hope to not lose that 'sense of wonder' so much, and not become so 'afraid' and 'guarded' especially like Julia.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

This group of us, what we have in common i'll say is our idealism to a certain extent. We all wanted to try and experiment with something new. We believed in helping others and finding 'peace' within and getting acquainted with ourselves. sounds lame and corny, but i really cant put it in any other way. We also wanted to improve ourselves, and i can say that all of us or almost all but one love nature. Two went to the extent of becoming vegetarians. 

As for me, i can say that this has made me more aware of myself... or rather, affirm what i knew of myself as well. It also made me realise in a way, what i wanted for myself for now. A traditional loving family, freedom to try the things i love, material comforts to look good and be comfortable with myself, doing something that helps people in a way that i love.

The last portrait is currently plastered on my wall outside, to remind myself of this.. and to help me remember what i've learnt from these people as well...who have shared themselves with me. It takes courage and motivation to take that first step to examine yourself and move towards changing yourself for the better... i respect everyone there for that. I didnt share as much i think, but hopefully they learnt something from me too.. about youth and positive perspectives. 

 

Go nuclear boy!! we pray for your stomach to get well asap! pls dont poop. (:

Kids, when I was in my 20s, wanderlust consumed me.
Inherent restlessness came to me, made itself at home and seemed to decide it wanted to stay there indefinitely.

I was at 23, afraid of time - not having enough of it. You may think it's a strange thing to fear when you're in your 20s. But life is fragile and I wanted to find my place in the world, figure out who im suppose to be.

For years I've been told who im supposed to be. A good student.. conscientious, motivated. An obedient daughter. A respectful family member. I've even been told what to study, where to work... and even given a benchmark on what salary range I should fall in, in order to be considered successful.

In my 20s (post-graduation), I realised that maybe I didnt want to define my life like that. Maybe I didnt have to work in certain conventional jobs and earn a certain salary range. Maybe corporate ladder climbing is not what I want to pursue in my life. Maybe I dont need such a big house. Maybe I could do away with luxuries i've grown up with. Now I know that's a lot of Maybes... but I could have named a lot more.

At a time where most people seem to know what they're doing, dont beat yourself up or agonise too much if you've filled with Maybes. Life is not a straight road that we can forsee and plan ahead properly. You may see that your friends are going through similar planned stages (22- Apply flat 25- Get married 27-Have kid 29- Have second kid) but it's ok if you've not there yet. Life is not a report card or a checklist with a series of items you must check at a certain time.

Take time to reflect, experiment, try new things, gain experiences and be more self aware. You may choose to do this over late night beer conversations (kilkenny or erdinger dunkel if you have good taste), shopping excessively, drinking koi by the galleons, traveling, all of the above or not in the above etc. Above all, do right by yourself and stay true to your values. 

While self awareness and reliance is important, never underestimate the value of friends, family and meaningful relationships. There's a saying 'keep your friends close, and your enemies closer'. I'll say that's crap. who cares about enemies? Life is too short to keep your enemies close... let go of it. Dont be afraid to ask for help or let people in. Not everyone is 'out to get you' or 'judge you'. Who so bo liao? Believe in the good of people but at the same time, build yourself up. No one can hijack your mind and emotions if you hold it well.

Keep your friends close, cherish them, believe in them, but dont cling on to them. Above all, have mutual respect, support and empathy. Be friends with someone not because you can get something out of it, but because you want to be. A true friend is not just someone u watch movies and take neoprints with.. but someone whom you can count on for the little things. Impromptu meet ups, conversations at any time, a listening discerning ear, to just be with and be there for you. Of all the things a friend can give you, time is the most treasured. A friend who makes time for you for the little things is one you should keep close to.

See the funny side of things and always laugh at yourself. Also, just take it if people say you're unconventional, peculiar, quirky or weird. you're just being yourself. lol.

On the subject of love, you'll just have to look at your father and I. He is my best friend and everyday, we discover something interesting about each other, or rediscover something we love about each other. Love is a commitment and a meeting of minds, values and expectations. And of course, must have spark lah.

Love yourself, love your family and love your friends. Let them know too, especially when it feels difficult to.
When im not here, you'll have a strong army of cool aunties to turn to. Just like I did when your grandma passed away.

Try Aunt chernobe, or Aunt chew & chew for some TLC. Go to Aunt estrada if you need someone to stare you down, give you creepy smiles and be blunt. If you need someone balanced and cool, go to savvy Aunt Candy. If you need medical help, someone to make you laugh and pervertic jokes, go to Aunt Jill - also known as 'sexyjill'. Or if you need someone stable like a rock, go to Aunt SY or Sally. They used to help your mother pack her messy files before spot check.

Also not forgetting your father. He may have had long thick dry hair once but he does have a solid head on his shoulders and a big heart. Fathers may seem hard to get close to, but trust me, they love you.

Love, your long-winded mother.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is pretty fun, but tough to write. I wonder how often this will change. Aunty Candy maybe we should write one every year... do we change that fast? lol. It's such a long letter but then again 23 years of wisdom is a bit hard to squeeze, heh.

Writing this makes me think about what were the last words my own mother said to me. A lot of my thinking and values now come from her no doubt, and im very grateful for that. I guess part of the reason why I've so much to say is because what i have, in terms of words, from my mother is pretty short, written on the front of a buddhist book "Daily Buddhist Devotions" for my 16th birthday - 2 months before she passed away. Thank goodness for the talks in bed we had every night before bedtime. I'll do that with my kids too. (:

 One thing im glad my dad did for me...
pushing me to learn how to cycle! and rollerblade... and swim.

I always took these 'skills' for granted, as basic skills that everyone can do. But as i grew older i realise that's not true. 
Some of my friends cant cycle or swim... quite a number of them actually.

oh and not forgetting skiing. Altho i cant claim to know how to ski, I can say I can dash down a snowy slope without falling terribly. hehe.

Bcos of these, Im now considered moderately sporty, even though im way un-athletic. 

it's helped me be more well rounded, physically. And i dont mean literally.

So thank you dad, for all those times i rolled over your foot while learning.
For hauling me to my feet on the ski slopes, for running behind me and holding on to the back of my bicycle.

you've done well for me.

(:

 Dear you know who,

Im tired but i must say this. Im sick of you. sick sick sick. perhaps this is like stockho lm syndro me. You treat me like shit but i still stay on, believing in the good of you bcos i know, you are not a bad person. 

you may not be a bad person, but you dont treat me the way i deserve to be treated. And i deserve to be treated right damn it.
i was there with you, we were there with you. We went through it together, a confusing time for all of us. Scary, surreal, lonely and empty. We may have been fumbling around in our own way, but I was always there for you... trusting you and believing in you. What had we left but each other? when you found another, everyone had doubts but we stood by you. because we loved you and trusted you, and frankly, what had we but you and each other? with us by your side, who dared question you? we loved you and believed that you would do good by yourself and for us... and really, we just wanted you to be happy.

it was hard for us too, but we stood by you all these while. can you say the same for yourself?
have you ever given me the same amount of respect i had given you? trusted me unwaveringly with my decisions? have you ever believed in me?

I dont see that. you have only projected your fears, opinions, judgement on me. while i respect you and appreciate your guidance, i resent the fact that you never never respected me. you always thought you knew best, that your way was right. Even when it was my life, my decision to make. you shove your opinions on me, throwing your weight around, injecting fear in me all the time.

why cant i just not listen to you? That's what people ask me too... and i realise, it's bcos you were the one i've looked to for advice on big decisions for 7 years now. With our tower of strength gone, who else had we but you? you were supposed to grow around the empty space, and you did. Far from the earlier nurturing, you dominate it with your authoritative attitude and brought in another tyrant.

I have always listened to you, respected your opinions and done good by you and myself. people think im good, a good example for the rest to follow. i have my struggles, but i always go through them and come out well. That's me, unexpectedly tenacious.

So why do i not get the respect i deserve? Could it be because the bully never respects the one he holds captive? 
It takes two hands to clap but i blame you. i blame you the most. you should know, you are old. I trusted you. Yet you never took the effort to know me, preferring instead to pigeon hole me- it's easier that way, and you think you know everything anyway. you never took the trouble to know me. I despise you, and your other.. I resent you for not believing in me, when i'ver always believed in you and respected you. And i hate you, for not respecting me at all when i have done nothing, nothing to not deserve you respect. In fact, I have done plenty to deserve your respect. But i dont suppose you can see that because you never notice anything but yourself and your affairs. We are an afterthought, I am an afterthought. We only exist as a checklist. Degree, career, money, kids - check ok gdbye done my job.

Im tired of giving in. Im tried of swallowing my hurt and disappointment. Im tired of going towards the flame repeatedly in hope of getting warm but getting burnt instead. Im tired of compromising myself, im tired of crippling self doubt, im tired of second guessing, of feeling small and clueless. I still respect you by default, but I respect myself more now. Afterall, I raised myself and my partner in crime emotionally. I am stronger than you give me credit for, than you'll ever know. Because you never bothered to.

I cant sandpaper away my attachment to you, believe me i've tried.
I cant force you to respect me, or notice im a person with a voice and a right to lead my life the way i want it, with your support.
I cant trust you to answer my big questions on life satisfactorily, I will find that out myself, but i cannot trust you to not pour scorn over it

I can only believe in myself, and that's what I will do. I will earn the respect of myself, and fight for a voice for myself. You may not like my voice, you may never ever respect me or treat me as an equal, I may never gain your unconditional support... you may never know me. But at least I will know who I am, and that's where I'll start. 

As usual, there'll be minimal trouble for you. Im considerate like that.

 
So my new 'favourite' song is "leaves in the river" by Sea Wolf. All thanks to mer who introduced it to me. At least i think it was her.
"The Greatest" by Cat Power is my second favourite song now. 

If you've listen to 'leaves in the river' perhaps you'll know what i mean. it's so descriptive, i almost feel like im reading the song and the images unfold in my mind. sweet song about the simple things. a memory of a simple happy night.

in life it's often the little things that we somehow remember. snippets of memories that blend together and smooth over into one yummy milkshake. hazy memory with poignant bits which are often the little things. 

little things i remember that i miss only now
- Lh bursting into my room on saturday mornings, slipping into the sheets and thats how most of my weekends begin... with a sweet embrace.
- well technically weekends for working people begin on friday nights. And life begins also when i leave work everyday, for the occasional weekday beer or massage indulge and steamy hot banmian after with good conversation. 

These days, work ends later and later, and i get so tired after work that life barely begins when it's time for bed. Every morning i wake up feeling like i've been mummified and come to live again, rudely awakened by light penetrating my eyelids and the alarm invading my eardrums. It feels like there's literally weights balancing on my temples. But still, i untangle myself from the sheets and trudge to the bathroom, pull on clothes etc. And the rest, is history. work mostly passes in a blur of stress, endless deadlines emails phonecalls and pee-holding.

I expect this. The first 3 quarters of the year is always hell here. HELL. While i struggle to stay afloat at work, i dont want my life and youth to pass in a blur. Hence i've started scheduling after work activities like CSL home, and soon- weekly classes. excitinggg (:

These few months with a significant portion of my important ppl overseas, i've learnt to be more self sufficient emotionally. it's nice at times. time is mostly mine, well, weekends at least. i wake up late to recover my sleep debt, go shopping on my own time and own target and try my hand at different things yet have enough time to rest. it's great too.

There's always a happy story, a silver lining, some little thing to look forward to and be happy about.

 Hello end of January.

It's been a really wet weekend. 
It poured suddenly when Na and I were walking to UCC on Saturday afternoon. Loud spattering rain.. like bird shit rain. We ran for it blindly... dashing across roads and Diggers. The rain wasnt even straight.. so an umbrella did not help. It zigzagged and attacked from all fronts! So we arrived, drenched and gross... into a hall with men in suits & women in cocktail dresses. Trailed water while we made our way to la libreria.

And there we spent the next 3-4 hours. Gasp. Didnt think we'll take so long. But it was fun, a worthy skill.

Reunion dinner was quite fun, but something was missing with mer not here. Everyone seems so big now, either that or the house grew smaller. It always is a little weird being in an 'old' place where so many memories are. The hallway is filled with pictures of our youth... us in various stages of development. Where we played in the garden, lied on the porch and grew up. Now we barely know what's going on in each others lives.. except for the occasional gatherings. Important thing is that we can always count on each other, and I know they'll be there. Come CNY in a few days, we'll be 'escaping' from extended relatives that talk too much again. (: And eating prata like a pack of hungry wolves.

During the reunion dinner the rain never let up. And I ran into my house in the rain. It continued to rain for the whole night... from like 7pm on Sat all the way till 5pm today. Then it started pouring again from 6pm till now at 11pm. It's starting to ebb now. So odd. It's like the sky had all that grief that it was holding in till it cracked open and bawleddddddd for 2 days. Maybe it's so sad that it simply cant have any of us carrying on with life as usual... we have to stop and respect it's grief too. 

So we all spent sunday at home. I woke at 10 plus am, ate breakfast and then crawled back into bad at 12 and slept till 3pm again. Snuggled warm in my sheets with the cold cold wind blowing in... slipping in between the cracks and whirling around.

It was a happy day at home. My dad is really into the CNY mood... Of recent years i've realised how into CNY he is. It's like a real special holiday to him.. way better than christmas. He said it's because his dad, the sailor, could spend a longer time at home during CNY every year, so everyone was very happy around this period. 

We sat around eating, reading, while he hung up decorations cheerfully. Hanging up the pirated bugs bunny rabbits around, knocking it in with blu tack.. all the while asking 'Eh crooked not? how?? CAN or NOT?' and making excuses when it's crooked, 'the male bunny is jumping, tts why it's higher.. the other one is standing on the ground, so looks shorter.'

So now the pussy willow is in it's usual spot, the rhyming couplets up above the oak chairs, the upside down FU hung up in place and assorted rabbits are plastered onto the walls. There's tons of sweets and goodies on the table, fridge full of drinks and beer and a basket full of oranges. I guess we're all set for the new year (:

 Hello everyone,
or rather whoever still reads this. post ahead not for the squeamish.

2011 is here, and today is the day before my best friend and boyfriend leaves for 6 months to europe for exchange. I dont mean to sound dramatic and i dont expect many to get how i feel... but i'm going to more than miss him.
I've always been a pretty positive person so I told myself that this is going to be a wonderful 6 months, for him and for myself. I'll get to embrace solitude and have more time for myself to do things. And I do have things in mind that i want to do. 
When i mentioned this to a friend, she was puzzled and asked why i've to embrace solitude... i have friends around that i can still go out with, i dont have to be 'lonely'. That got me thinking about what i meant by solitude... it's true, i know i have good friends & my cousins to count on, share my thoughts and go out with. But li hang is my best friend, more than every sense of the word. He's my companion at all times (even when we're not physically together) and in a nutshell, my person. My person who I share everything with... mundane things, random thoughts, important stuff... Almost like my subconscious (but not in a creepy Inception way). He's the person i wonder aloud to, muse about anything to and do things with. He's my person, my best friend. 

Before you think we're some psycho obsessed one-person blob... we're not. And that is why even though my best friend and companion is going away for 6 months, Im not hysterical, hyperventilating or planning to quit my job instantly to migrate there for 6 months. Instead I feel...more reflective & grateful for our relationship and for him. Absence will surely make the heart grow fonder.

Let me reflect on what/why i love about him.
- His ability to sleep spontaneously. especially after food, sure snoozing on the bed with mouth slightly agape and eyes shut, eyelashes like a fan
- How warm his body feels when he's asleep
- The way his arm tightens around me, or around my shoulder lazily
- When i hold his elbow and we walk close together, me bumping my nose on his shoulder
- The way he bursts into my room on saturday mornings with pebbles
- The way he looks at me and strokes my hair before smiling and pulling me in for a hug
- The expressions we use 'my hair smells like a catholic high boy' and 'that guy looks like a roast pig in that corset'
- Us snorting over little social observations -- look! 3 teenage guys watching love & other drugs together
- Him helping me to finish my food
- how he drinks water from the tap and hose like a weirdo homeless man
- downs glasses of leftover whiskey like there's no tmr at family functions
-tries (in vain) to smoothen his hair, claiming his balding... jeez
- how well he treats pebbles. Carrying her up and down the stairs, feeding her biscuits and insisting on taking her for walks/picnics.. and involving her on our outdoor dates
- how well he treats his family and friends... last to bathe on holiday, does not get a crab pincer
- Needless to say, how well he treats me
- how he can carry a conversation about anything... from taylor swift to how a car auction works to minimum wage
- how he's interested in the world, and is an individual with hobbies he pursues
- how he encourages me to develop my hobbies as well, and stick to them. by my side at west coast cc throughout my ikebana class days, attended flower exhibitions with me. LOL
-the way his long fingers interlock with mine... as we march/shuffle along.
- how he is easy going... always lets me decide where to eat.. i have food cravings!
- how he's hardly panicky or worried..
- how we take turns, to be each others' "voice of reason"
- confidant, mirror, voice of reason
- we do everything and anything together
- pioneering dates.. yes, we're couple 'trendsetters': volunteer dates, kite dates, park picnic dates, treetop walk dates, museum dates, chek jawa dates, library dates, forest dates, flower mart dates -- lol
- lying in bed cosy, watching HIMYM on my macbook lazily...legs intertwined and toes touching
- laughing and imitating characters while making the other 'guess who!!!'
- holding close while I stand on his feet and we dance along slowly
- beer and salty snack days  
- conversations we have lying in bed with pebbles snoozing at the foot of the bed
- 'tricking' pebbles to do stuff and then squishing the woozy dog
- him playing the guitar, which he learnt from youtube, while singing off-key passionately
- imitating retro dance moves after watching rocky horror
- him watching baseball transfixed while i watch w one eye closed, pretending to understand the game
- helping my sister pump her bicycle tire, driving us to the cycling marathon
- showing up with lilies in his hand, carefully chosen.
- the annual bday cards he sends by post, lovingly written.
- singing along to songs on youtube
- taking the bus and train together, slow walks from marymount
- impulsive spontaneous xos
- joking abt each other
- the way im always excited and happy and full of contentment when we meet

I read somewhere that love is two people sitting on the same rock, side by side, looking out at the ocean. I think we have the same outlook in life, same values, and same expectations of each other. We encourage each other and build each other up...even when we may not understand all the time. When i first wanted to go on exchange, 2  years into our relationship, he told me.. go for it! Now almost 5 years into our relationship, i tell him the same thing. While growing together, we take care not to let our individual growth be stifled. This is one of the things I treasure most about our relationship. 

So here we go, another new phase in our life and relationship, and I know that this will again be another time for us to grow more, individually and as a couple. Above all, while he makes me who i am today and is part of who I am now... I know i will still be me, even with him in a different continent & physically away. Because that's the beauty of it, we're still who we are and the love we have for each other will grow as we as individuals grow as well.

Change is a challenge, can be scary and wont be easy. But with courage, wisdom and jest... we will meet each change and challenge. Ok good night and be courageous everyone!

 I haven't been to this place in a while. 
I guess I, like the rest of the world, have an increasingly short attention span. Preferring instead to tweet, post pictures on tumblr/facebook, instead of taking time to reflect and string coherent sentences together into an entry.

Im rusty at organising my thoughts now so bear with this mishmash of an entry.

On the subject of micro blogging, Tess and I watched the social network today.. on facebook- the most widely used online social network today. I personally log into facebook everyday without fail, several times in fact now with the help of an iphone. 
I quite enjoyed the show, it was realistic enough, and thought provoking. Mostly though, i'm just in awe at the brains these people have and how these can lead to such great 'phenomenal' inventions. Of course, this puts my own achievements or any future possible achievements in really modest perspective, but it's still heartening to know that such great potential exists. I know i'll be successful in my own right too, even if its such a 'chain of successful yoghurt stores', as asshole sean parker puts in the movie. Such 'greatness', while humbling, is quite inspiring as well.. even tho i know i will never ever accomplish a huge scale cool invention like facebook. I've great respect for people who do their own thing, make something of themselves. Yes, that's Gen Y thinking for you.

***

ok next up, songs. Songs are always inextricably linked to memories. tarzan& jane? primary school. 
The perishers always remind me of hall days, and of my much-missed room mate pris. it's melancholic, serene and reflective. 
David archuleta reminds me of driving in the US deserts- thrill and freedom. Michael learns to rock and country songs reminds me of road trips when i was a kid, roadtrips in NZ, to and from Msia. Bon Jovi, the beatles, reminds me of us- snuggling on the bed and singing off tune. 
The weepies' Gotta have you reminds me of uni days. Fields of Gold & Wir sind helden of train rides in Switzerland.

***

Natural selection. Just like how the world favours right handed people, I think it favours extroverts. Extroverts are loud, they speak up, they brand and showcase themselves. Because they naturally function better that way, they are at an advantage as the world gets to see them more. Not everyone, or i'll say few, are willing/able to bother looking deeper to discover an introvert's branding. What to do? Read a book, it'll tell you. hahah. 
***

Shows. In addition to HIMYM (awesome show), I've been watching The sisterhood of the travelling pants... and i love it. 4 friends, 1 pants, 1 great bond. lol. sounds cliche?? well things are only cliche for a reason- it's a common occurrence. There's just something unadulterated about the show... 4 girls we can identify with starting out, exploring their own way and dealing with their own issues. I see my introversion, dreaminess and love for nature (flowers), art in Lena, my alter-ego heck care, curious and seemingly brusque attitude in Tibby, and parental/ abandonment issues in Carmen. Not so much anything in Brigette. lol. you probably have NO idea what i'm talking about if you haven't watched the show but let me share w you a quote:

T: Are you afraid?
B: Not of dying really. It's more than I'm afraid of- time. Not having enough of it. Time to figure out who I'm suppose to be, to find my place in the world before I have to leave it. I'm afraid of what ti'll miss.
B: What?
T: Nothing.

***
I'll say it's one of the shows that shapes me now. I believe the books I read shape me too. Books like Anne of green gables, little women good wives etc, harry potter...but to a lesser extent. Let me name a list of things I would like to get now:
- Sisterhood of the travelling pants (4 book series)
- The perishers, The weepies, Camera Obscura,
- Pencil set, appropriately sized sketch book, art friend voucher
-Name card folder/ and holder
- I nv say no to cute stationery and book vouchers too

***
Another thing that's been happening. Commitment and flats... happening all around. Two of my friends are now married, altho we're not close friends it's still kinda cool. And many many many... of my friends have applied for HDB flats. Which in sporean-speak means that they are pretty committed to getting married, and spending the REST OF THEIR LIVES together. hahah. Even though i'm someone who's in a stable relationship with my best friend, the thought of committed for life still makes me do a double take. life is short, but life is a long time. It's something people should consider seriously- committing your life. Not cavalier and rushing into things.   

Anw, point is.. things have changed since the 1 year we're been released from school. Dotting the horizon are marriages now... next it'll be baby showers. Friends, at this stage, really come and go. A close friend can become cool by and by...so slow you may not even notice it.

One thing i've learnt... is to be more open and receiving, to people.. and not keep your guard rigidly up all the time. To be more selfish in terms of figuring out what you want, and to be more thick skinned when dealing with things that may not go your way in life. 

Alright, end of random long entry. Till next time. (:

Little things that made me happy this past hectic week:
- Spontaneous meet-up with Lh for lunch
- POP conversations in office that keep me sane
- Coffee break during periods of intense stress
- Sister doing nails for me and experimenting with nail art
- Getting through the back to back events stronger and hardier
- Chill time with est and candy
- LH and i at west coast again, him patiently waiting
- Working with flowers and seeing it turn out
- Family watching NDR together, exclaiming, rolling our eyes and at some parts, clapping.
- Quality time
- My ikebana book
- Fish beehoon soup breakfast

Thank you. Another week beckons.